Goodby hair....

Goodbye Hair, I'll miss you, but only a little.

my mind is gone, so I'll blog

I can't remember everything and the people that DO remember things that happen are slowly distancing themselves from me. Wanna guess why? (Navy. For reals.)

Anyways, so I was reminded of when Carter was 3 and took all of his basketball shorts to preschool with him for show and tell. My boys love their basketball shorts.

Now for today's:

So Lance and I took the kids and a rental child to the 'spinner' park. We were looking at the birds and over the majesty that is the Puget Sound when we noticed some seagulls. You've got to understand. The seagulls here are well fed. They're big birds. They look soft and cuddly. So naturally, I tell Lance that I'd like to hug one. I was all embarrassed (yeah right) that I'd say something so ridiculous, and he comes back with:

"I'd like to hold one in my two hands. Inspect it. Look it right in the eye"


You probably had to be there. I'm glad I was. Mostly because lance is HOT.

grateful.

I've had the strongest feelings of gratitude for the last couple of weeks. So I'd thought I'd write it down. If you're reading this, I'm probably grateful for you in one form or another.

In no particular order:

I'm grateful for my husband. Every minute of every day. Even when he's darth vader breathing at night. There isn't anything I love more in this world than being snuggled up next to him in bed talking or on the couch. We laugh our heads off and we're not funny. I love watching tv shows with him (did you watch modern family last night? funniest show ever) and laughing so hard that we have to pause then rewind it. I'm grateful that he's a worthy Priesthood holder. That in the middle of the night when Carter was struggling to breathe, he held him in his arms and gave him a blessing and it worked as well as the albuterol. I'm also so grateful that Heavenly Father helped me find someone who is so calm all of the time and won't fight with me. I'm sure his rage will someday just boil over and I'll get what's coming to me, but for now, I'm grateful to have a husband that i adore.

I'm grateful for boys. I look at my three and think if we're going to have two more of them, it will be really great.

Carter is the sweetest kid, right down to his core. He innately wants to do what is right and he wants us to be proud of him. He's so much like his dad. He doesn't let much of the fuss in our house get to him. He's (mostly) patient with his brothers. He's a hard worker and a good friend. Carter is a great little helper, and just like his dad, does pretty much anything I ask. He's sensitive, too, and is very caring and watchful of other kids. He's really just got the best little heart. I'm constantly amazed by him.

I'm SO grateful for the progress Casey has made. I'm grateful that he's VERBAL (even on the days that he doesn't stop talking). I'm grateful every single time he tells me he loves me (he says "so much" in stead of "I love you, too"). I'm grateful for his big cheesy smile when he comes and crawls in bed with us at all hours of the night. I'm so grateful that he's happy. He is absolutely the sweetest boys and is probably the most excited out of all of the boys about the babies. Every morning he says hi to my tummy and tells me how huge I'm getting.

I'm grateful (really) for the public school system. This last year all of the speech therapists went under because insurance companies dropped the coverage. I'm SO grateful for Casey's amazing 'team' (minus one chick I'd like to...nevermind....) for his fabulous teacher and all the special help he gets from them.

Peyton is my joy. We've been able to have every morning with each other for the last couple of years and I'm so grateful for that bond. He is a total crack up and makes me laugh all day long. He's so stubborn and lies all of the time (for instance: Casey has a turkey he made up on the wall, Peyton told Casey "I made that. It has my name on it" and continues to fight with Casey everyday about the origins of that dang bird). I think he gets it from his uncle Jamey. It's never malicious. He just likes to lie. He's always been Casey's protector. He's only four, but since he was old enough to help, he's been the one that will pull Casey away from danger or go chase after him if he runs off. I don't know why he does this, and it's never been something we've asked him to do, he's just taken on the roll.

I'm so grateful to be able to have more kids. I'm not so much overwhelmed right now that we're having twins, more overwhelmed with gratitude that I GET to have twins. It's such a blessing. I'm grateful for zofran and that I haven't had as many of the terrible migraines I had with the other pregnancies.

I'm grateful I'm not in pain anymore. My life is night and day different than when I was dealing with chronic pain. It's like I got the color back in my life.

I'm most of all grateful for my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. All of the good things I have above come from blessings from this great Gospel. I'm grateful for my eternal marriage with my husband and that we'll be able to be with each other and our families forever. I'm grateful for the Prophet Joseph Smith, and our current prophet and leaders who guide us in these days. I'm grateful for personal revelation. The blessings in my life from that alone are immeasurable. I'm grateful to know that I have a loving Heavenly Father who knows me personally. Who knows my wants and provides for my needs. Who gives me trials to bring me closer to him. I'm grateful for my Savior. One of my favorite lines from the hymns is "I marvel that He would descend from His throne divine, to rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine. That He should extend His great love unto such as I...Oh it is wonderful that He should care for me, enough to die for me. Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me"

I've been so blessed.

And then reality sets in...

Yesterday was pure exhilaration coupled with a heavy dose of denial. Today, something completely different- and I'm sure it's going to be a roller coaster for the next 19 or so years...

Today I'm OVERWHELMED with gratitude. I can't even begin to fathom the miracle this is. The timing. Everything. I wanted to have a baby pretty soon after we had Peyton (because that's what I did- I popped out babies annually) but had all of those problems with chronic pain. They took my right ovary. They wanted to take it all out- and I wanted to let them because I was so exhausted from the fight. After two and a half years of that battle, and some inspiration from my sister Shelby, the pain slowly started to disappear- except around that fantastic time of the month- so I went on birth control all of the time. I was so afraid to even try to have babies because that would mean I'd have to deal with so much pain. We thought it would take us a while because the ovary I did have was also covered in cysts. One month later, we're pregnant. That by itself was such a huge blessing.

I started getting sick even before the test came back positive. I also started getting big quick. I had thought that my due date was off- that somehow we'd gotten pregnant even before we went off the birth control (which actually happened with our first pregnancy). I'm 9 weeks along and fully into maternity clothes. The 'twin' thought had popped into my mind- but I kept thinking the chances of that were close to zero.

So, we go to the ultrasound. When she started I thought it looked really funny. Two big dark circles. In one, I could clearly see something, but not in the other. I thought that maybe she had the instrument positioned funny, but to me it looked like there might be two. Again, I thought my chances of that were next to zero. So she shows us the baby we could see and it's heartbeat and then moves to the next dark circle and zooms in- and casually shows us the second heartbeat. I was floored. I don't even know what lance's whole reaction was because I was laughing and crying all at once. TWINS!

I'm so grateful. I'm grateful that we're able to have another child, doubly grateful to be having two. People keep saying how much they hope it's girls, and that would be fun, but I'm happy with whatever. Honestly. If we find out we're having two more boys, I'll be thrilled. One of each would rock, too. I'm grateful that we had to wait until Peyton was four to have another child.

I'm grateful for the support of my family and friends. Your reactions have been PRICELESS. I should have recorded them. So hilarious. I'm grateful for an amazing husband who- even though almost his entire existence is based on logic- is thrilled to be in such an illogical situation. He smiled the whole day yesterday. I'm grateful that he's the kind that has no problems with getting up in the middle of the night either.

...

WE ARE HAVING TWINS!

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Today at 5:35pm | Edit Note | Delete

Okay, so I've had a couple of people ask me how I 'get' lance to do everything he does. The simple answer (and probably the only answer) is: I married well. Lance is soooo good to me. He comes from a family that serves each other. His Mom's life revolved around doing what was (and is) best for her kids. She and her husband (if he wasn't coaching the games) drove all over Utah and much of the west going to basketball games. There was rarely an excuse for missing a game. She's amazing. His dad is much the same way. He's very quiet about his services, but it's what he does. They brought all the siblings to the games as well. Now the siblings go to all the games they can even though every one is in a very different stage of their life. Lance is mellow. He won't fight with me. That cuts a lot of the pettiness right out because he doesn't put up with it. I don't know what it's like to live with a husband that is demanding, mean, absent, or cold. So I can't talk about that part of a relationship or how to deal with it. What I can talk about is what works with ME in My relationship with MY husband. Your relationship is very different. I'm not pretending to know what will work for it.

Okay, just kidding. I totally am.

The rest of this is probably crap. But here goes.

I was fortunate to take a psychology class right after we got married about families. We talked a lot about husband/wife relationship related to behavioral psychology. Here's basically how it goes: Say your husband cleans the kitchen. But he doesn't clean the sink. You focus on the sink, he's never going to clean the kitchen again. He does the laundry, you redo it, he's not doing the laundry again. People don't repeat many things that they aren't in some way rewarded for (with the clear exception of wives and moms who do clean all day every day and never have a clean house- that leads to a cycle termed "learned helplessness," of which I'm quite fond) . So here's what I do:

If Lance cleans anything I immediately thank him. BIG. I never, ever, say "you didn't do the pots and pans (he never does) or clean out the sink". I never re-do anything he's done where he'll notice it. Yes, it means going to bed with a yucky sink or quietly doing the pans, but it's okay.

You've got to act like you expect nothing. Really. So anytime he does anything, you make a big deal. He'll do more. I guarantee it. I think as wives, we don't really think that our husbands need the same encouragement and flattery that we so much want for ourselves. I NEVER thought that Lance needed anything like that because the guy is so confident and so...well...lance. But then we read that love languages book together and much to my surprise, Lance's love language wasn't physical touch (though it came in a close second) it was words of affirmation. Really? Lance? But it WORKS. Try it this week. Don't criticize ANYTHING. Nothing. Only thank them for what they DO do- even if he doesn't do anything more than go to work every day- it's something. Build on that. Say, "Thank you for working so hard every day so that I (fill in the blank or...) can stay at home with the kids" NOT "I wish I could get out of this damn house and do something I CHOOSE to do instead of all the grossness that comes with raising three bad aimed little boys".

Along with that, be complimentary. We expect our husbands to tell us we look nice and 'no that dress doesn't make your ankles look humungous' but I know I don't do a lot of it back. It's not something that comes naturally for me- the whole complimenting thing (that's how you know if I say something nice to you I actually mean it). Tell your husband that he looks hot in the brand new Aggies hat that his dad sent (have you seen Lance in that hat? Mmmmmm boy). Tell him how much you love it when he tells the kids stories or wrestles with them on the trampoline. Don't yell at him for breaking your son's arm just days into summer break.

Let him watch/play sports, video games read or whatever it is that he does to decompress. Men need this every bit as much as we do, believe it or not. Don't do it begrudgingly. It's kind of like fasting, if you fast and hate every minute of it, it doesn't really do what it's intended. Last night there were two football games he was watching. I wanted to be with him, but I could care less about football so I got my book, curled up next to him on the couch and read while he yelled at the TV. I'm not saying that your husband should spend hours and hours doing those things- he shouldn't. There's got to be moderation, too.

Don't say 'no' if you mean 'yes' or visa versa. I did this so much and it's SO wrong. "Fine, go with your friends, I don't care" so he goes and you get really pissed "But you said I could go" "you knew that I didn't want you to" "huh?" With my husband at least, I say what I mean and mean what I say. Don't go digging around for reasons to get mad. It's destructive. You know how I know about that phenomenon? I invented it. I used to look for reasons to get mad (I would like to believe it was all subconsciously) so that I could use the leverage to go shopping or something. It's no good. It doesn't get you anywhere but angry and, in my case, debt. Just stop it. Right now. Along those same lines, don't expect your husband to read your mind. If you want him to clean a little while you're gone, ask him. Be specific. Ask nicely. "Lance, would you mind taking out the garbage while I'm gone? Thank you so much!" If he doesn't do it while you're gone, you do it. In front of him. Don't say anything. He'll get the point. Anger is a lot easier for a guy to deal with than hurt. You yell at him, he can be mad at you. You do it yourself, he can be mad at himself. Or just leave it until it runneth over. That one works for me, too. I guarantee you that your husband will respond to praise way more than he will to anger. Being mad at him for not doing something will not work.

Choose your battles. Is it worth the fight? Is it worth marital discord? Really? So many things aren't. I've sat in the room and watched a husband and wife bicker over the dumbest things. Learn to hold your tongue. Does this mean get walked over? No. People who know me and Lance will definitely tell you I am not a doormat (though it would be nice to be thin like one...). There's a good amount of give and take. There should be. Don't let things fester either. If your upset about something REAL (and there are a lot of good times to be upset about things...) TALK about it. Don't accuse. Don't attack. Say how YOU feel and why. Not how he should feel or do and doesn't. "Lance I haven't slept in days, I'm bottoming out, would you please take the kids for a little while so I can get some rest" not "I've been the one to get up with Casey EVERY DAY at 3 am on top of not sleeping well because I have yet to put a hit out on the bullet bike riders and you just sit here and let them scream and yell while I TRY to get some sleep. You just don't care!" see the difference? Also, I have ordered the hit, I'm glad this reminded me.

Have fun with your husband. So many people tell me that the first year is the hardest, and maybe it was because I was so young, but the first year was one of the best. They've kept on getting better. We have fun with each other. We leave the dishes in the sink, clear a spot in the toys to sit down and play games with each other. We laugh. We talk politics. I hate politics. But Lance loves it, so I try to keep up. We hold hands when we walk and we always sit next to each other when we watch tv or movies. We make out. We gross the kids out.

Okay, so go ahead and read the part again before I said the rest of this is crap. I mean it. I lucked out. I have a good husband who is so laid back that it doesn't bother him that I'm lazy and a terrible homemaker. I hate preaching. I don't know why I've gone so far as to do it. Meh. All I know is that the person I can control in my relationship is me. So I nap.

Now any one of you out there can write an essay on how I can be a better mom, really, or better at organizing my time, my house etc. You could write an essay on being a really great friend and putting up with your quirky (let's call me quirky, okay?) friend who's just a hop skip and jump away from being completely nuts.

Please, for the love, make fun of me for this. I deserve it.